Never turn your back on a friend or a toddler. Literally.

July 29, 2013

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Well. Okay then. Dot dot dot. Which was what went through my head when I tried to process this visual last week. What happened was this. Rob went away to Perth for work for three nights last weekend. Not the one just gone, the one before. An unrelated but notable note is this: this was the first overnight he's taken from the girls away from the house. We've gone away without him but not visa versa. Well, on the first day Jobs created iPhone and it was much loved. Until it met a swift and unpleasant end on the powder room tiles as I fumbled like a modern day mime to catch its fall. I did not catch its fall. I also did not get a new phone, I was told via email to order one over the phone. BUT I DON'T HAVE A PHONE TO PHONE FOR A PHONE JERKFACE, is what I did not say to otherwise friendly 'Patrick', because the beauty of email is that you have plenty of time to calm down between shouting obscenities at the screen and actually committing your fingers to commit them to e-paper.

The end of that story is that I had to wait until Rob got home to call and order a new phone and that I'm still waiting for it. Please come today Mr. courier man. I know once upon a time people only communicated via tin can and string, and all was well and all did not explode but give me my iPhone. It's going to be an iPhone 5, that is a serious (har har) upgrade from an iPhone 4 and basically I need to be able to instagram again otherwise all my friends will think I am not doing things. And I AM doing things. I swear. I'm even eating food for lunch and dinner and breakfast too, not that you would know because I don't instagram my food anyway. Weird.

Meanwhile, back in the very stressful time period of 0-15 mins PiPD (that's Post- iPhone Destruction for those without the power to read minds), I was thanking my lucky stars that my babies were giving me some space. Beatie was cute-drooling in her sleep (as opposed to ugly-drooling, the term given to the same thing after the drooler turns ten) in her swing. And Violet, who knew what she was doing, I was just thankful that she was playing quietly. Now, every mother of toddler knows that this is basically the kiss of death for any future plans you had of having a Martha Stewart worthy home that day. Oh but I was so deeply involved in panicking about not being able to photograph and picture message all of the unbelievable messes that Violet makes in a day to Rob that I forgot to be diligent.

I have a rule: For each minute of time you enjoy silence you can be sure to be required to spend five minutes of time cleaning up the aftermath of such undeserved luxury. And lo, this is what fifteen whole minutes looks like. Not pictured: child who had taken all clothes off (clothes pictured), managed to pour a little cup of water on herself, roll in flour and essentially turn herself into a human deep-friable. If you're into little girl potato cakes. Which I just about was after my face turned from pale with shock to red with rage (at myself for being so stupid as to revel in the quiet). Because rage always makes me hungry even when I can't instagram it. 

22 comments:

  1. Oh-em-gee LOL! That really sucks...your iPhone getting destroyed sucks even worse. I'm dying laughing over here cause my phone just died FOREVER for no reason (just past the one year warranty of course), so I'm freaking out as well to my husband all of the important work I do on my phone daily (like Instagram, blog stalk, facebook, twitter...)

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  2. Oh no - both to the demise of your phone and the state of your kitchen after 15 mins of peace and quiet !!! I think I would have lost the plot completely if I had of walked into that !!!!
    You poor thing having to clean it all up - hope your flour is now kept waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay up high.
    Have the best day !
    Me

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  3. Oh dear! I always know I'm going to regret it when I enjoy the silence but sometimes I still take the risk. It always ends up similar to what is in your pictures.

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  4. I'm sorry but I couldn't stop laughing about your girl all covered in batter and ready for deep frying!

    Hope the iphone fairy visits you real soon too.

    Visiting from #Team IBOT xxx

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  5. hahahahahahahaha - that is so funny! Also, I feel your pain... sorry, should have started with the sympathy I suppose. Anyway, I love your theory about 5 minutes of cleaning for every one minute of silence - it is so true!!

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  6. Just dropped my phone in Publix recently, it landed flat on the screen, leaving wonderful cracks. I also recently had one of those "quite times" that lead to my son flooding my floor. At least someone want to do my dishes, right? Haha.

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  7. Oh my goodness!! I laughed at the flour girl bit but then felt sorry for you! The wonders of a 2 year old!

    xx

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  8. Hahaha! I'm sorry, but picturing a flour-covered little one is hysterical. What a mess, but a cute story to tell indeed.

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  9. Oh dear. Silence from a toddler is rarely ever a good thing, huh? I do so love the photographic evidence though.

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  10. That's a great story to relay to her when she is older. You poor thing!

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  11. Looks like some kiddos found the flour and had a bit of fun in the kitchen. I hope that you look back and laugh at this post in a few years when they are all grown up. :)

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  12. OH MY FUGGING GAWD - looks like a lot of fun was had. SUCKS you had such a mess to clean up - I'd be in tears :(

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  13. I love how they know that their is a window of opportunity to seek and destroy..

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  14. Oh no, Violet definitely made the most of that little window of opportunity! It really is amazing how someone so small can make so much mess hehe!

    Jennie xo | sailorjennie.com

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  15. Hi Hanna! When I saw this picture, I was certain that my 2 year old had just visited your home. My Natalie is totally like this. When she is quiet, I run because I KNOW there is going to be trouble! We are desperate for the relaxation, but if we enjoy that quite time too much, we will almost certainly pay for it.

    I am a new follower from Aloha Friday Blog Hope and would love a follow back. My link is: http://ylindo01.blogspot.com

    You have a beautiful family and I look forward to catching up on the rest of your posts.

    ~Yaumara

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  16. Oh that is a a hueg flour trail! I think I would be tempted to deep fry that battered child myself! (Not really of course but I'm going with the analogy :)) Hope the phone is here now. I don't know how I would cope without one!

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  17. I am positive I will have a post like this some time in the future. I love that you called her a "human deep-friable"!

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  18. Thank you for the kind words and follow , apologies for missing your link... (Fell asleep reading blogs)

    Love your blog and followed from Tara's treats

    http://tarastreatsteviews.blogspot.co.uk

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  19. oh wow! Look at all that. I totally understand about the quiet. Im not a mom but I have special needs brother. I know when it get quiet that I should go investigate what he is up too, which is usually something not good. haha Glad you got your phone back.

    Thanks for linking up to weekend reads.

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