You can thank me at the end of this post for not including photos.
Ladies and Gentlemen, my baby ate her own poop. My sweet, beautiful, probably-destined-to-be-the-leader-of-the-free-world because she's just that clever, little girl ate her own crap. I was at the computer. She's been getting a little adventurous lately and likes playing just outside the door of whatever room I'm in. I heard her give a little cry and when I went to see what was up, there was this disgusting little green goopy smear around the corner of one side of her mouth. And a big glob on the front of her shirt. And it was all over her hands and legs. EWWW. Really ew. Apparently she can both get her hands inside the sides of her nappy AND undo the tabs that hold it closed, great. We got in the shower fully clothed, both of us. Eww. Ew, ew, ew. Now, since this incident (which happened yesterday) I've been assured by every parent I've told the story to (which is every parent and grandparent I know, as well as a maternal and child health nurse on their hotline!) that shit literally happens. In the mouth. Potty mouth. Shit eater. Poo head. Is that where these phrases come from? I've decided yes. Well nothing happened, none of the gastro symptoms the health nurse practically promised me Violet would experience. Nothing. Except that I don't want to kiss her on the mouth ever again. Ever. Again. Well, apart from the fact that I've been doing it all day so apparently I'm over the poo to mouth incident already.
But seriously, my kid ate her own poo. Ew.