January 06, 2012
Above is a photo Rob took of me putting lipstick on on new years eve. Our new years eve was a little bit silly and not in the best way. I had had a pretty bad day, most of it spent being sad about my friend who had died. We had an offer from my parent's to watch Violet for the evening but no plans for the new year. Most of my friends were away and what I really really wanted to do was drink some vodka, then go somewhere loud and crowded to take my mind of my sadness for the night and to kiss my lover in front of a bunch of strangers. Silly? Yes! That's what I wanted. In Melbourne though, you really need to plan your new years eve in advance if you want to go out, places sell tickets in advance rather than just letting people in and as I said, we really hadn't planned anything. So Rob finally convinced me to get out of bed (yes, that where I was) and get ready and we'd just go somewhere that wasn't having a new years party. Well, I drank some vodka and redbull, got pretty and we arrived at 11:57pm. We just had time to grab a drink and grab a booth before midnight came. Rob kept his promise of a loud place and a drink in my hand! Unfortunately I have neither drank vodka nor redbull since I fell pregnant and I already felt sick so we actually stayed about 20 minutes and came home. A round trip of 3 hour with 20 minutes at a venue! How silly of us. Never mind, we will know better for next year and really, I got what I wanted, didn't I.
Which brings me to some New Years resolutions. Or goals, rather. I have little resolve so let's call them goals instead.
1. to take my protein, iron and breast feeding supplements again, properly.
In the last couple of months I have really slacked off in this department and I feel terrible compared to how I felt before and during pregnancy (i felt terrible just after Violet was born even though I was still taking the supplements but I'm putting that down to recovering from birth and adjusting to having a baby).
2. to start eating properly again, with many snacks.
Again, in the last 3 months since Violet has become both more mobile and more needy (I currently cannot leave the room without her screaming, most of the time she insists of being held and cries if I try to put her down, even for 5 minutes) food for myself has become the last priority. I'm still eating three meals a day, of course, since I'm breast feeding and can't possibly keep that up without eating. However, breakfast happens around 11am after I've done everything for her that needs to be done, by that time I'm often dry heaving because I'm so hungry. Lunch happens whenever it can but typically sometime between 2pm-4pm and just whatever I can grab from the cupboard/fridge and dinner is great because Rob is around to watch Violet while I cook (or he cooks). Anyway, the point is that during pregnancy and before I made effort to make sure I ate 5 portions of vegetables (with good variety of nutrients), 3 of fruit, eggs, protein shakes, snacks of nuts, bread, cereal. Well you get the point, I ticked the boxes of a healthy, balanced diet and snacked almost every hour. My body was as healthy as it could be. I was the same weight I am now, exactly but during pregnancy I gained 5kgs (11 pounds) and while 3kgs (7 pounds) of that was the baby, i really really liked that little bit of extra meat on my bones. It stayed even after I gave birth, until I stopped eating properly. And boom, it's gone again, back to the weight I was before pregnancy. I want it back.
3. be more present. be more present. be more present.
Part of this goal has to involve putting Violet into her crib for day time naps. It has to. What has always happened in this house is that I cuddle her during her day naps and while I absolutely adore adore adore a little sleeping beauty in my arms three times a day it I cannot do much of anything while she's there, except read a book or watch television. Blogging is even hard. This means that while she's awake it's a constant internal battle for me over how much to play with her and how much to try to do other things, like blogging and cleaning. Especially now that she has become so needy that doing dishes involves 15 minutes of listening to Violet cry to be picked up while i race to wash everything as quickly as I can. I feel like I'm getting to the end of my tether and I think that giving up some of my day time snuggles, as loathe as I am to let go of them, is the answer. Today she had 2 x 1 hour naps in bed and 1 x 2 hour nap in my arms. I felt like king of the world while she was in her crib! And because I vacuumed and mopped in nap number 1 and I'm blogging in nap number 2, our whole day was spent reading, playing and eating together. I could tell she was loving the extra attention and I felt more present. Now Rob will come home tonight to a less stressed Mama, a clean house and a happy baby.
4. go to bed earlier.
Our baby doesn't sleep through the night anymore. She doesn't. She wakes all the time and our sleep is ruined! Yet we still go to bed at midnight. Idiots! Go to bed earlier Rob and Hanna, just do.
5. go on more dates with Rob
We love each other, we both deserve and owe more time with each other to each other.
6. put Violet in her own room.
I really feel like this will help her night time sleeping habits. Not immediately but in the long run. I have been so insistent on keeping her in our room and being attachment-y in our approach to parenting but now that she's not sleeping through the night I truly think that some distance from us will eventually stop her from waking so often. All she wants most of the time is her pacifier put back in but there is no chance for us to let her soothe herself without intervening because she knows we are right there. I would seriously welcome any advice about this, for or against putting her in her own room. My email is on the contact page.
7. be happier.
I am bad at letting go of the little things. Little things are big to me, they are the nerve endings of bigger things and stimulating them runs shooting pain right back to the biggest hurts I hold. Reading things as they are more (I'm not going to kid myself that i'll be able to stop entirely) rather than what I interpret them to be is a goal this year.
8. meal plan.
Start weekly meal plans, plan for meals out, buy ingredients weekly for planned meals. We usually just buy a bunch of fruit and vegetables for the market and a bunch of stuff from the store, then pick up extra items almost every day for whatever we decide to eat that night and are missing ingredients for. Silly us. Be smarter, plan smarter.
I guess that's all I can actually think of. I wish I'd put a whole bunch of thought into this but to be honest I just wrote it as I thought it, now. I love the new year, it feels like a new beginning every time and the perfect time to implement all of the goals that have been on the back burner for however long.
Happy New Year!